Top 20 Quotes on Sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy


"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart


"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin


"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield


"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner


"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen


"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)


"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry


"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
--George Burns


"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone


"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns


"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson


"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)


"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams


"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne


"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal


"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro


"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman


"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld


"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

Average Joe against Bush

Video of an average guy saying all the right things. Its amazing how our president is an average guy but still can't understand it.

Top Ten Signs You Might Be White Trash

Taken from the comedy material of Jeff Foxworthy:

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.

Inpiring Quotes

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
- John Ruskin Inspirational Quotes

People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.
- Alice Walker Short Funny Quotes

Whenever morality is based on theology, whenever right is made dependent on divine authority, the most immoral, unjust, infamous things can be justified and established.
- Ludwig Feuerbach Quotes on Religion

Mark Twain on Patriotism vs Christianity

A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot--except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart. The spirit of Christianity proclaims the brotherhood of the race and the meaning of that strong word has not been left to guesswork, but made tremendously definite- the Christian must forgive his brother man all crimes he can imagine and commit, and all insults he can conceive and utter- forgive these injuries how many times?--seventy times seven--another way of saying there shall be no limit to this forgiveness. That is the spirit and the law of Christianity.

Well--Patriotism has its laws. And it also is a perfectly definite one, there are not vaguenesses about it. It commands that the brother over the border shall be sharply watched and brought to book every time he does us a hurt or offends us with an insult. Word it as softly as you please, the spirit of patriotism is the spirit of the dog and wolf. The moment there is a misunderstanding about a boundary line or a hamper of fish or some other squalid matter, see patriotism rise, and hear him split the universe with is war-whoop. The spirit of patriotism being in its nature jealous and selfish, is just in man's line, it comes natural to him- he can live up to all its requirements to the letter; but the spirit of Christianity is not in its entirety possible to him.

The prayers concealed in what I have been saying is, not that patriotism should cease and not that the talk about universal brotherhood should cease, but that the incongruous firm be dissolved and each limb of it be required to transact business by itself, for the future.
- Mark Twain's Notebook

Keith on Rumsfeld

Excellent commentary by Keith Olbermann on the latest speech by Donald Rumsfeld.

Inspirational Quotes

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- Martha Washington Inspirational Quotes

Philosophy Quotes

Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me. It is an uncomfortable doctrine which the true ethics whisper into my ear. You are happy, they say; therefore you are called upon to give much.

- Famous Philosophy quotes Albert Schweitzer

Short Famous Quotes

The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein Short Qutes

In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes.
- John Ruskin Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
- George Jean Nathan Famous Quotes

Daily Quotes

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw funny quotes.


But there are some people, nevertheless - and I am one of them - who think that the most practical and important thing about a man is still his view of the universe. We think that for a landlady considering a lodger, it is important to know his income, but still more important to know his philosophy. We think that for a general about to fight an enemy, it is important to know the enemy's numbers, but still more important to know the enemy's philosophy.
- G. K. Chesterton Famous Quotes

Daily Quotes

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe short quotes.

I would rather belong to a poor nation that was free than to a rich nation that had ceased to be in love with liberty. But we shall not be poor if we love liberty, because the nation that loves liberty truly sets every man free to do his best and be his best, and that means the release of all the splendid energies of a great people who think for themselves. A nation of employees cannot be free any more than a nation of employers can be.
- Woodrow Wilson Quotations

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
- Charles Robert Darwin Quotes

Memorable Quotes

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
- Short Quotes by David Frost

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
- Funny Quotes by Laurence J. Peter

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
- William S. Burroughs Famous Quotations

Success Quotes

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Short Quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
- Cullen Hightower

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
- Agnes de Mille

A martyr's disciples suffer more than the martyr.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace,
Where there is hatred, let me so love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
where there is sadness, joy,

Oh Divine Master, grant,
that I may not so much seek to be consoled
as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that we receive,
But it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Very inspirational prayer from Saint Francis. If we can even live up to one line from this prayer our world would be a different place.

Famous Quotes and Quotations

If there is a solution, then it isn't a problem.
- Contributed by an anonymous reader.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson

Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
- Short Quotes by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are so vain that we even care for the opinions of those we don't care for.
- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830-1916) Austrian Novelist

"I am the thread that runs through all these pearls," and each pearl is a religion or even a sect thereof. Such are the different pearls, and God is the thread that runs through all of them; most people, however, are entirely unconscious of it.
- Vivekananda Inspirational Quotes

Short Famous Quotes. Inspirational Quotations

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.
- Warren Beatty

What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.
- Abraham H. Maslow (1908-1970) American Psychologist, Philosopher

A good parent is only as happy as their most unhappy child.
- Mrs. R. C. Goorney

Famous Funny Quotes. Short Motivations

In words are seen the state of mind and character and disposition of the speaker.
- Motivational Quotes by Plutarch


Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
- Short quotes General Patton


Being reproached for giving to an unworthy person, Aristotle said, 'I did not give it to the man, but to humanity.'
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson

Short Quotes on Life. Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- Happiness quotes by CP Snow. Inspirational quotations.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Funny quotes by Fletcher Knebel