Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
- Cullen Hightower Daily Quotes, Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
- Wilson Mizner Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes

Funny Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes

My favorite animal is steak.
- Fran Lebowitz Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes

Divorce - Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Funny Quotes

My husband taught me housekeeping; when I get divorced, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Love Quotes

Funny Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- HL Mencken Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes, Short Funny Quotes


Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.
Albert Einstein Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes, Funny Quotes

Short Funny Quotes on Money. Famous Movie Quotes

I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Famous Movie Quotes. Short Funny Quotes on Money. Daily Quotes

Albert Einstein Short Funny Quotes. Famous Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes: If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.

Race and Racism. Short Funny Quotes by Albert Einstein, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes

Funny Quotes by Comedians

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."

Les Dawson Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes.



"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."

Steve Martin Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes.



"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

David Letterman Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes.



"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

Dave Edison Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes.

"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."

Freddie Starr Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes.

Funny Quotes on President Bush. Short Funny Quotes

President Bush keeps saying 'sacrifice' and the 'war on terror,' and you turn around and he's in a field of poppies with Lance Armstrong.

-- Funny Quotes! Funny Quotes! Funny Quotes! by Jon Stewart on President Bush. "Short Funny Jokes"

Funny Quotes by Chris Rock. Short Funny Quotes

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

- Funny Quotes! Funny Quotes! Funny Quotes! Daily Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

Short Funny Quotes by Chris Rock. Daily Quotes

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

- Short Funny Quotes by Chris Rock, "Funny Quotes", Famous Quotes,

Money Short Funny Quotes. Famous Quotes

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

- Oscar Wilde "Short Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes, "Motivational Quotes", "Inspirational Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes on Children. Famous Quotes

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

-Bill Cosby "Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, "Famous Quotes"

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny Movie Quotes! Funny Movie Quotes! Funny Movie Quotes!

That sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Funny movie quotes by Woody Allen from Annie Hall. Funny Quotes

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.
Funny movie quotes by Woody Allen from Annie Hall. "Funny Quotes"

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody Allen Funny Movie Quotes

The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life.
Funny movie quotes by Woody Allen from Annie Hall. Funny Quotes

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Love and Death – “Funny Movie Quotes”

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers.
Sleepers – Funny Movie Quotes by Woody Allen

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.”
Funny Movie Quotes” by Woody Allen

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
Woody Allen and His Comedy, Funny Movie Quotes.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
Funny Movie Quotes by Woody Allen

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody Allen “Funny Movie Quotes”

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen Funny Movie Quotes

''According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.''
- Robert de Niro – “Funny Movie Quotes”

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Funny Movie Quotes
If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Funny Movie Quotes
Lois: How would you like it if I made your life a living hell?
Ace: Well, Lois, I'm not quite ready for a relationship right now, but maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911?

Addams Family Values: Funny Movie Quotes
Little Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

Inspirational - Motivational Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost "Short Funny Quotes", Famous Quotes, "Daily Quotes"

Happiness - Short Funny Quotes

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

- Robert Frost Short "Funny Quotes", Famous Quotes, Inspirational, Motivational

Short Funny Quotes on Jury, Daily Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

- Robert Frost "Short Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes, "Funny Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes on Love, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

- Rodney Dangerfield "Short Funny Jokes", "Short Funny Quotes", "Daily Quotes", "Funny Quotes", "Famous Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes on Art. Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

- Scott Adams "Funny Quotes", "Daily Quotes", "Short Funny Jokes", "Famous Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes on Suburbia. Daily Quotes

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

- Bill Vaughan Short "Funny Quotes", "Daily Quotes", "Famous Quotes"

Gandhi - Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

~ M.K. Gandhi, "Short Funny Quotes", "Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes, "Famous Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes - Warren Buffet, Daily Quotes

In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.

Warren Buffet - Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes, "Short Funny Jokes"

God and Money Quotes, Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Douglas Novack "Short Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes, "Short Funny Jokes"

Short Funny Quotes on Government, Daily Quotes, Cute Quotes

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

- Oscar Levant "Daily Quotes", Short Funny Quotes, "Short Funny Jokes", Famous Quotes, Cute Quotes

Life - Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Inspirational, Motivational

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

- Johnny Carson "Short Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes, Motivational, "Inspirational Quotes"

George Carlin - Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

- George Carlin "Short Funny Quotes", "Short Funny Jokes", "Daily Quotes", "Famous Quotes"

Republican Government Quotes - Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes, Famous Quotes

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

~ Will Rogers "Short Funny Quotes", "Daily Quotes", "Famous Quotes"

Goals and Life - Short Famous Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Daily Quotes

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

- Sid Caesar"Famous Quotes", "Inspirational Quotes", "Daily Quotes"

Short Funny Quotes on Life, Famous Quotes

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

-- Mark Twain "Short Funny Quotes", "Famous Quotes", "Motivational Quotes"

Money and God - Short Funny Quotes, Daily Quotes

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

~ Woody Allen "Short Funny Quotes", Daily Quotes and Quotations

Marriage - Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes, Daily Quotes

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Short Funny Quotes", "Daily Quotes", Famous Quotes, Love Quotes

Genius - Abraham Lincoln Famous Quotes, Inspirational, Motivational

Towering genius distains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.

- Abraham Lincoln "Daily Quotes", Philosophy, Famous Quotations, Inspirational, Motivational

Health - Daily Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain "Funny Quotes", Daily Quotations, "Daily Quotes", Short Funny Quotes.

Short Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes - Mark Twain

No one ever went broke under-estimating the taste of the American public.

- Mark Twain Famous Quotes, "Short Funny Quotes" on American Culture