Monday, November 06, 2006
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
Monday, October 02, 2006
- John Ruskin Inspirational Quotes
People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.
- Alice Walker Short Funny Quotes
Whenever morality is based on theology, whenever right is made dependent on divine authority, the most immoral, unjust, infamous things can be justified and established.
- Ludwig Feuerbach Quotes on Religion
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Well--Patriotism has its laws. And it also is a perfectly definite one, there are not vaguenesses about it. It commands that the brother over the border shall be sharply watched and brought to book every time he does us a hurt or offends us with an insult. Word it as softly as you please, the spirit of patriotism is the spirit of the dog and wolf. The moment there is a misunderstanding about a boundary line or a hamper of fish or some other squalid matter, see patriotism rise, and hear him split the universe with is war-whoop. The spirit of patriotism being in its nature jealous and selfish, is just in man's line, it comes natural to him- he can live up to all its requirements to the letter; but the spirit of Christianity is not in its entirety possible to him.
The prayers concealed in what I have been saying is, not that patriotism should cease and not that the talk about universal brotherhood should cease, but that the incongruous firm be dissolved and each limb of it be required to transact business by itself, for the future.
- Mark Twain's Notebook
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
- Martha Washington Inspirational Quotes
Friday, August 18, 2006
- Famous Philosophy quotes Albert Schweitzer
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
- Ludwig Wittgenstein Short Qutes
In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes.
- John Ruskin Famous Quotes
Monday, June 26, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
- George Bernard Shaw funny quotes.
But there are some people, nevertheless - and I am one of them - who think that the most practical and important thing about a man is still his view of the universe. We think that for a landlady considering a lodger, it is important to know his income, but still more important to know his philosophy. We think that for a general about to fight an enemy, it is important to know the enemy's numbers, but still more important to know the enemy's philosophy.
- G. K. Chesterton Famous Quotes
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe short quotes.
I would rather belong to a poor nation that was free than to a rich nation that had ceased to be in love with liberty. But we shall not be poor if we love liberty, because the nation that loves liberty truly sets every man free to do his best and be his best, and that means the release of all the splendid energies of a great people who think for themselves. A nation of employees cannot be free any more than a nation of employers can be.
- Woodrow Wilson Quotations
An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
- Charles Robert Darwin Quotes
Thursday, June 08, 2006
- Short Quotes by David Frost
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
- Funny Quotes by Laurence J. Peter
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
- William S. Burroughs Famous Quotations
Thursday, June 01, 2006
WHAT IS SUCCESS?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
- George Burns
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
- Cullen Hightower
Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
- Agnes de Mille
A martyr's disciples suffer more than the martyr.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace,
Where there is hatred, let me so love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
where there is sadness, joy,
Oh Divine Master, grant,
that I may not so much seek to be consoled
as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that we receive,
But it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Very inspirational prayer from Saint Francis. If we can even live up to one line from this prayer our world would be a different place.
Friday, April 28, 2006
- Contributed by an anonymous reader.
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson
Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
- Short Quotes by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are so vain that we even care for the opinions of those we don't care for.
- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830-1916) Austrian Novelist
"I am the thread that runs through all these pearls," and each pearl is a religion or even a sect thereof. Such are the different pearls, and God is the thread that runs through all of them; most people, however, are entirely unconscious of it.
- Vivekananda Inspirational Quotes
Sunday, April 23, 2006
- Peter McArthur
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.
- Warren Beatty
What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.
- Abraham H. Maslow (1908-1970) American Psychologist, Philosopher
A good parent is only as happy as their most unhappy child.
- Mrs. R. C. Goorney
Saturday, April 15, 2006
- Motivational Quotes by Plutarch
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
- Short quotes General Patton
Being reproached for giving to an unworthy person, Aristotle said, 'I did not give it to the man, but to humanity.'
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson
Monday, April 10, 2006
Sunday, April 09, 2006
- Short Funny Quotes by Jules Renard. Famous Motivational Quotations
Life is a long lesson in humility.
- Short quotes by James M. Barrie
Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
- Famous Quotes by William Goldman
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Motivational quotes by Alan Kay
When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
- Best quotes by William Hazlitt
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
- Motivational Quotes by Charlemagne. Short Famous Quotations.
Wise men never sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms.
- Short Quotations by William Shakespeare
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
- Elisabeth KuBler-Ross's Inspirational Quotes, Famous Quotations, Motivational Sayings
Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
- Short Quotes by Francois De La Rochefoucauld. Funny Quotations, Famous Sayings.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
- Short Funny Quotes by Jay Leno. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings.
There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
- Inspirational Quotes by Pablo Picasso. Famous Quotations, Sayings.
Monday, February 20, 2006
- Short Sayings by Oscar Wilde. Short Quotes and Quotations
When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.
- Short Quotes by Edward R. Murrow. Famous Quotations. Inspirational, Motivational Sayings
All that I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.
- Famous Quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Short Sayings, Motivational, Inspiratioional Quotatations.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
- Short Quotes by Samuel Johnson. Motivatinal Quotations.
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
- Famous Quotations by Orson Welles. Short Funny Quotes. Funny Sayings. Inpspirational, Motivational.
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- Motivational Quotes, Famous Quotations by Bertrand Russell. Short Funny Sayings
All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.
- Famous Quotes by Bobby Knight. Short Funny Quotations. Famous Sayings, Motivational
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
- Short Quotes by Olin Miller. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings
A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
- Famous Short Quotes by Herman Melville. Funny Sayings, and Quotations
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
All our knowledge begins with the senses, proceeds then to the understanding, and ends with reason. There is nothing higher than reason.
- Short Quotes by Immanuel Kant. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings, Inspirational, Motivational
Formal religion was organized for slaves; it offered them consolation which earth did not provide.
- Short Funny Quotes by Elbert Green Hubbard. Inspirationa, Motivational Quotations, Sayings
Monday, February 06, 2006
- Short Funny Quotes by Robert Ingersoll. Famous Quotations, Inspirational Sayings, Motivational.
A gentleman that loves to hear himself talk, will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
- Short Famous Quotes by William Shakespeare. Famous Sayings, Inspirational Quotations, Motivational.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
- Short Quotes by Albert Einstein. Famous Quotes, Inspirational Sayings, Motivational Quotations.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost Famous Quotations, Sayings, Motivational, Inspirational
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
- Short Quotes by Robert Anthony. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings, Motivational, Inspirational Quotes
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
- Short Famous Quotes by Doug Larson. Motivational Quotations, Funny Sayings
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
- Short Quotes by JW Eagan
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
- Short Funny Quotes by Frank Leahy. Inspirational, Motivational Quotations
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
- Short Quotes by HL Mencken. Famous Quotations and Sayings
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
- Short Funny Quotes by Nancy Astor. Famous, Motivational, Inspirational Quotations and Sayings
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
- Famous Short Quotes by Baruch Spinoza. Inspirational, Motivational
I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
- Short Funny Quotes by Plutarch, Famous, Motivational
Monday, January 30, 2006
- Short Quotes by James A. Michener. Funny Famous Quotations, Sayings
You know youve achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away.
- Short Quotations by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Inspirational Quotes, Sayings
There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening.
- Short Quotes by Marshall McLuhan. Famous Quotations. Funny Sayings.
In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves.
- Famous Quotations by RA Butler. Inspirational Sayings, Motivational Quotes.
Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
- Famous Quotations by Tom Stoppard. Funny Sayings. Motivational, Inspirational
The big thieves hang the little ones.
- Funny Quotes from a Czech Proverb. Short Quotations. Famous, Inspirational Sayings
Friday, January 27, 2006
- Rene Descartes Short Quotes, Inspirational, Motivational Quotations and Sayings
The people have a right to the truth as they have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
- Epictetus Inspirational Quotations, Short Funny Quotes. Famous Sayings
Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
- George Bernard Shaw Famous Quotations, Short Funny Quotes and Sayings
Thursday, January 26, 2006
- Albert Einstein Short Quotes, Famous Quotations and Sayings
One ought to examine himself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.
- Moliere Famous Quotes, Short Quotations and Sayings
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
- Albert Einstein Short Quotes and Sayings
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
- Evan Esar Famous Quotes and Short Funny Sayings
Monday, January 23, 2006
- Oliver Wendell Holmes Short Funny Quotes. Famous Quotations, Inspirational Sayings.
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.
- Michael Crichton Famous Quotations
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
- Will Durant Short Sayings
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry Kissinger Funny Quotes and Quotations
Sunday, January 22, 2006
- Lord Acton Short Funny Quotes, Quotations and Sayings
There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten.
- Samuel Johnson Famous Funny Quotes
Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
- George Jackson
The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
- Andre Malraux Funny Famous Quotations
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright Short Quotes and Sayings
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper Famous Funny Short Quotes
Thursday, January 19, 2006
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
- Jack London Funny Short Quotes and Sayings
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson Famous quotations and sayings.
If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city.
- Charles Caleb Colton Funny Quotes
Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds.
- Samuel Butler Short Really Funny Quotes.
Take away the danger and remove the restraint, and wayward nature runs free.
- Horace Funny Famous Quotes
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Horace Walpole, Famous Short Quotes
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.
Eugene McCarthy Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes