Top 20 Quotes on Sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy


"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart


"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin


"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield


"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner


"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen


"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)


"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry


"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are unimportant."
--George Burns


"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone


"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns


"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson


"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)


"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams


"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne


"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal


"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro


"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman


"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld


"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

Average Joe against Bush

Video of an average guy saying all the right things. Its amazing how our president is an average guy but still can't understand it.

Top Ten Signs You Might Be White Trash

Taken from the comedy material of Jeff Foxworthy:

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.

Inpiring Quotes

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
- John Ruskin Inspirational Quotes

People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.
- Alice Walker Short Funny Quotes

Whenever morality is based on theology, whenever right is made dependent on divine authority, the most immoral, unjust, infamous things can be justified and established.
- Ludwig Feuerbach Quotes on Religion

Mark Twain on Patriotism vs Christianity

A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot--except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart. The spirit of Christianity proclaims the brotherhood of the race and the meaning of that strong word has not been left to guesswork, but made tremendously definite- the Christian must forgive his brother man all crimes he can imagine and commit, and all insults he can conceive and utter- forgive these injuries how many times?--seventy times seven--another way of saying there shall be no limit to this forgiveness. That is the spirit and the law of Christianity.

Well--Patriotism has its laws. And it also is a perfectly definite one, there are not vaguenesses about it. It commands that the brother over the border shall be sharply watched and brought to book every time he does us a hurt or offends us with an insult. Word it as softly as you please, the spirit of patriotism is the spirit of the dog and wolf. The moment there is a misunderstanding about a boundary line or a hamper of fish or some other squalid matter, see patriotism rise, and hear him split the universe with is war-whoop. The spirit of patriotism being in its nature jealous and selfish, is just in man's line, it comes natural to him- he can live up to all its requirements to the letter; but the spirit of Christianity is not in its entirety possible to him.

The prayers concealed in what I have been saying is, not that patriotism should cease and not that the talk about universal brotherhood should cease, but that the incongruous firm be dissolved and each limb of it be required to transact business by itself, for the future.
- Mark Twain's Notebook

Keith on Rumsfeld

Excellent commentary by Keith Olbermann on the latest speech by Donald Rumsfeld.

Inspirational Quotes

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- Martha Washington Inspirational Quotes

Philosophy Quotes

Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me. It is an uncomfortable doctrine which the true ethics whisper into my ear. You are happy, they say; therefore you are called upon to give much.

- Famous Philosophy quotes Albert Schweitzer

Short Famous Quotes

The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein Short Qutes

In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes.
- John Ruskin Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
- George Jean Nathan Famous Quotes

Daily Quotes

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw funny quotes.


But there are some people, nevertheless - and I am one of them - who think that the most practical and important thing about a man is still his view of the universe. We think that for a landlady considering a lodger, it is important to know his income, but still more important to know his philosophy. We think that for a general about to fight an enemy, it is important to know the enemy's numbers, but still more important to know the enemy's philosophy.
- G. K. Chesterton Famous Quotes

Daily Quotes

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe short quotes.

I would rather belong to a poor nation that was free than to a rich nation that had ceased to be in love with liberty. But we shall not be poor if we love liberty, because the nation that loves liberty truly sets every man free to do his best and be his best, and that means the release of all the splendid energies of a great people who think for themselves. A nation of employees cannot be free any more than a nation of employers can be.
- Woodrow Wilson Quotations

An American Monkey after getting drunk on Brandy would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
- Charles Robert Darwin Quotes

Memorable Quotes

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
- Short Quotes by David Frost

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
- Funny Quotes by Laurence J. Peter

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
- William S. Burroughs Famous Quotations

Success Quotes

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Short Quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
- Cullen Hightower

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
- Agnes de Mille

A martyr's disciples suffer more than the martyr.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace,
Where there is hatred, let me so love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
where there is sadness, joy,

Oh Divine Master, grant,
that I may not so much seek to be consoled
as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that we receive,
But it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Very inspirational prayer from Saint Francis. If we can even live up to one line from this prayer our world would be a different place.

Famous Quotes and Quotations

If there is a solution, then it isn't a problem.
- Contributed by an anonymous reader.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson

Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
- Short Quotes by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are so vain that we even care for the opinions of those we don't care for.
- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830-1916) Austrian Novelist

"I am the thread that runs through all these pearls," and each pearl is a religion or even a sect thereof. Such are the different pearls, and God is the thread that runs through all of them; most people, however, are entirely unconscious of it.
- Vivekananda Inspirational Quotes

Short Famous Quotes. Inspirational Quotations

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.
- Warren Beatty

What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.
- Abraham H. Maslow (1908-1970) American Psychologist, Philosopher

A good parent is only as happy as their most unhappy child.
- Mrs. R. C. Goorney

Famous Funny Quotes. Short Motivations

In words are seen the state of mind and character and disposition of the speaker.
- Motivational Quotes by Plutarch


Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
- Short quotes General Patton


Being reproached for giving to an unworthy person, Aristotle said, 'I did not give it to the man, but to humanity.'
- Famous Quotes by Samuel Johnson

Short Quotes on Life. Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- Happiness quotes by CP Snow. Inspirational quotations.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Funny quotes by Fletcher Knebel

Short Funny Quotes. Motivational Quotations

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.
- Short Funny Quotes by Jules Renard. Famous Motivational Quotations


Life is a long lesson in humility.
- Short quotes by James M. Barrie


Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
- Famous Quotes by William Goldman


The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Motivational quotes by Alan Kay


When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
- Best quotes by William Hazlitt

Short Quotes, Motivational Quotations and Sayings

To know another language is to have a second soul.
- Motivational Quotes by Charlemagne. Short Famous Quotations.

Wise men never sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms.
- Short Quotations by William Shakespeare

Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
- Elisabeth KuBler-Ross's Inspirational Quotes, Famous Quotations, Motivational Sayings


Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
- Short Quotes by Francois De La Rochefoucauld. Funny Quotations, Famous Sayings.

Short Quotes. Funny

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a Mexican to work tomorrow.
Chris Rock's short funny quotes. Famous

Short Funny Quotes. Famous Quotations

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
- Short Funny Quotes by Jay Leno. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings.


There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
- Inspirational Quotes by Pablo Picasso. Famous Quotations, Sayings.

Funny Sayings. Famous Quotes

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
- Short Sayings by Oscar Wilde. Short Quotes and Quotations


When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.
- Short Quotes by Edward R. Murrow. Famous Quotations. Inspirational, Motivational Sayings


All that I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.
- Famous Quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Short Sayings, Motivational, Inspiratioional Quotatations.

Short Sayings, Quotes, Quotations

He who loves the world as his body may be entrusted with the empire.
- Short Quotes by Lao Tzu. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings. Motivational, Inspirational

Short Sayings, Quotations, Quotes

Men are generally idle, and ready to satisfy themselves, and intimidate the industry of others, by calling that impossible which is only difficult.
- Short Quotes by Samuel Johnson. Motivatinal Quotations.


I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
- Famous Quotations by Orson Welles. Short Funny Quotes. Funny Sayings. Inpspirational, Motivational.


The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- Motivational Quotes, Famous Quotations by Bertrand Russell. Short Funny Sayings


All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.
- Famous Quotes by Bobby Knight. Short Funny Quotations. Famous Sayings, Motivational


You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
- Short Quotes by Olin Miller. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings


A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
- Famous Short Quotes by Herman Melville. Funny Sayings, and Quotations

Famous Funny Quotes

All our knowledge begins with the senses, proceeds then to the understanding, and ends with reason. There is nothing higher than reason.
- Short Quotes by Immanuel Kant. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings, Inspirational, Motivational


Formal religion was organized for slaves; it offered them consolation which earth did not provide.
- Short Funny Quotes by Elbert Green Hubbard. Inspirationa, Motivational Quotations, Sayings

Short Quotes. Famous, Motivational, Inspirational

The man who does not do his own thinking is a slave, and is a traitor to himself and to his fellow-men.
- Short Funny Quotes by Robert Ingersoll. Famous Quotations, Inspirational Sayings, Motivational.


A gentleman that loves to hear himself talk, will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
- Short Famous Quotes by William Shakespeare. Famous Sayings, Inspirational Quotations, Motivational.

Famous Quotes and Sayings

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.
- Short Quotes by Albert Einstein. Famous Quotes, Inspirational Sayings, Motivational Quotations.


The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost Famous Quotations, Sayings, Motivational, Inspirational

Best Quotes

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.
- Best Short Quotes by Edward R. Murrow. Famous Quotations, Motivational Sayings, Best Funny Quotes

Short Famous Quotes

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy.
- Short Quotes by Robert Anthony. Famous Quotations, Funny Sayings, Motivational, Inspirational Quotes

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
- Short Famous Quotes by Doug Larson. Motivational Quotations, Funny Sayings

Famous Motivational Quotes

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
- Short Funny Quotes and Sayings by Otto Von Bismarck. Motivational, Inspirational Quotations

Famous Inspirational Quotes

Never judge a book by its movie.
- Short Quotes by JW Eagan

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
- Short Funny Quotes by Frank Leahy. Inspirational, Motivational Quotations

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
- Short Quotes by HL Mencken. Famous Quotations and Sayings

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
- Short Funny Quotes by Nancy Astor. Famous, Motivational, Inspirational Quotations and Sayings

Funny Famous Quotations

The most tyrannical of governments are those which make crimes of opinions, for everyone has an inalienable right to his thoughts.
- Famous Short Quotes by Baruch Spinoza. Inspirational, Motivational


I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
- Short Funny Quotes by Plutarch, Famous, Motivational

Motivational Quotes

Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.
- Short Quotes by James A. Michener. Funny Famous Quotations, Sayings


You know youve achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away.
- Short Quotations by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Inspirational Quotes, Sayings


There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening.
- Short Quotes by Marshall McLuhan. Famous Quotations. Funny Sayings.


In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves.
- Famous Quotations by RA Butler. Inspirational Sayings, Motivational Quotes.


Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
- Famous Quotations by Tom Stoppard. Funny Sayings. Motivational, Inspirational


The big thieves hang the little ones.
- Funny Quotes from a Czech Proverb. Short Quotations. Famous, Inspirational Sayings

Short Quotes

It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.
- Rene Descartes Short Quotes, Inspirational, Motivational Quotations and Sayings

The people have a right to the truth as they have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
- Epictetus Inspirational Quotations, Short Funny Quotes. Famous Sayings

Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
- George Bernard Shaw Famous Quotations, Short Funny Quotes and Sayings

Short Sayings and Quotes

The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious ... the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.
- Albert Einstein Short Quotes, Famous Quotations and Sayings


One ought to examine himself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.
- Moliere Famous Quotes, Short Quotations and Sayings


Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
- Albert Einstein Short Quotes and Sayings


America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
- Evan Esar Famous Quotes and Short Funny Sayings

When twenty years ago a vague terror went over the earth and the word socialism began to be heard, I thought and still think that fear was translated into doctrines that had no proper place in the Constitution or the common law. Judges are apt to be naif, simple-minded men, and they need something of Mephistopheles. We too need education in the obvious - to learn to transcend our own convictions and to leave room for much that we hold dear to be done away with short of revolution by the orderly change of law.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes Short Funny Quotes. Famous Quotations, Inspirational Sayings.

Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.
- Michael Crichton Famous Quotations

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
- Will Durant Short Sayings

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry Kissinger Funny Quotes and Quotations

Great Funny Quotes

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority: still more when you superadd the tendency or the certainty of corruption by authority.
- Lord Acton Short Funny Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten.
- Samuel Johnson Famous Funny Quotes

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
- George Jackson

The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
- Andre Malraux Funny Famous Quotations

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright Short Quotes and Sayings

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper Famous Funny Short Quotes

Funny & Famous Quotes

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
- Jack London Funny Short Quotes and Sayings

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson Famous quotations and sayings.

If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city.
- Charles Caleb Colton Funny Quotes

Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds.
- Samuel Butler Short Really Funny Quotes.

Take away the danger and remove the restraint, and wayward nature runs free.
- Horace Funny Famous Quotes

New Quotes

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Horace Walpole, Famous Short Quotes

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.
Eugene McCarthy Funny Quotes, Famous Quotes

Funny and Famous Quotes

If a person never contradicts himself, it must be that he says nothing.
- Miguel De Unamuno Y Jugo Funny Quotes